Friday, November 8, 2013

week 41 winners

Here's what @moonlit__girl had to say about this week's entries...

@sandyquill - First Place. I love the snapshot you painted here. You write such a great description of the picture: “After all the agitation, the flurry of activity, Mellie sagged against the forgiving cushions in the train, her head lolling to one side. Not seeing the landscape slide past her gaze, she gave the bare appearance of engaging with the scenery” This could be the beginning, middle, or end of a story, and I found my self wanting to read more.

@ladylibre - (Clickety-clack) I like how you used the noise of the train to give rhythm to the poem. These lines in particular were great: “Glorious she gave/ Greedy I took/ Sweeping, seeping, and soft /The coda of a farewell song”  Well done.

@AnnaLund2011 - The beginning of this is lovely. The way you describe her breathing in the first few lines is perfect. I can almost hear her.   “Finally I can draw real breaths, and not those nervous, little tip-of-my-lungs-short-sniffs I’ve been taking the last fifteen years.” Nicely done.

@Pinkcookie - You had such a great start here! I loved the thought of her sitting on train after train with no plan, just to get far away. “Clickety-clack, I miss you so. Clickety-clack, I love you so. Clickety-clack, what a sad sack. Clickety-clack, I want you back.” And then I found myself saying Noooooo, what is she doing! I think it might have been a stronger ending if you had ended it with “I jump into the snow.”

@Sherbert20111 - This one lends itself to being read out loud. My favorite part was this: “Who will be there/ When we get there/Nobody we know/Nobody/We know/ Tickety ticket/ Clickety click” Poor girl got herself stuck in the same situation again; I love how you cycled it back to end the same way it began.

@PinkCookie - Honorable Mention. This one shocked the hell out of me, I didn’t see it coming at all. The words you chose are straightforward and pack a punch. Love the Viewmaster reference. I might have ended it with “I let myself fall.’ Nice job.


Congratulations @sandyquill!

Thank you to @moonlit__girl for judging, and to everyone who participated.

See you next week.

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